More fish… in the wood work

So I’m one of those whom stay in touch with everyone including exes. Who has the time to make enemies I say.  I discovered someone was attracted to me over Christmas. I hadn’t gotten to know Beanie because we were surrounded by others but he had taken my number to offer me a lift home. After exchanges of messages, he reveals how he feels since meeting me, of he couldn’t stop thinking about me over the busy festive period. I asked if he was involved, and he said sadly yes, he had just started seeing someone for a few dates and didn’t feel what he had hoped with her. He retracted his answer to go for a drink originally, with both of us understanding. I’m not one to want to ruin anything between two people and I offered best wishes for him. I didn’t even know if i liked him yet, but because we would be around each other again next Christmas, I wanted to clear the air and offered I held no resentment and would be still friends.

Then only days ago, on Friday I heard from Beanie Man. He apologised for the delay and he was in town. He had had a few drinks. My mind raced as to why now, why was he contacting me. He no longer was with her. Understood. He hadn’t been able to get me out of his mind.

I was to have a busy weekend. 2013 has been a great start. I had made big decisions in 2012 to take on smaller projects, so I could have more time for me, for my friends and people around me that matter. I have a strong base of friends, but I felt I was always in a rush dashing from one event to the next, that 2013, already I feel a difference, a breath of fresh air catching up with people I haven’t spoken in years and meeting new halves and I’ve yet the challenge of meeting new babies in addition. So i hadn’t had any chance to think if I had thought of Beanie Man or even where I was to be. I made my mind 2013 will be more of a Yes year. I am not on a race to find “The One” as they say. So why not enjoy myself.

“I don’t know how to speak to women, that’s why I’m single” Beanie Man claimed to me. Whoa. How did the conversation between us get so deep already? I must admit, he wasn’t that great at hearing how he sounds. He was one of the younger ones (which I will no doubt have that as one of my posts) but were younger men on a different level of only thinking about themselves? By just that single statement, it somehow stayed in my mind. One minute we are messaging each other, then we are being adult by letting each other get on with your own life, and now he is back in contact. What is it he wants? More to the point, do I still want to know? I guess that statement sticks in my mind, as to why do most younger men feel the need to mention

“I’m not looking for anything serious as I’ve just broken up from a four year relationship” says Grad, after having asked me out for drinks before Christmas.

It’s as if by saying such bold statements, they have built a fence around so that nothing in the slightest was to happen. In my mind, all i can think of is “Hell yeah. Who’s buying first round?” Are relationship issues on men’s minds more than we assume?

I had met Tyler at an Photography exhibition late Autumn last year. He was very kind, a gent. We had hooked up, but I never heard from him again. That is till two days ago over the weekend. So in the space of couple of months, I have had people who I haven’t heard in months, and out of the blue, want to contact me. The only similarities I have between them is they are younger. Tyler contacted me with a what I’d admit to as quite a good apology for his lame action as he didn’t know how to approach me, yet he knew his silence was not at all classy. This was his attempt at correcting such fault that he was aware of. I’ll post more about Tyler, but he wants to talk to me, at the same time, he is saying “I don’t want to lead you on like some dickhead”, “Fun is fun” and in the same breathe he is wanting to be friends and see where we go, being not a fan of casualness. I replied in a swooping message which made him chuckle, that I wasn’t asking him to get married. He laughed saying he just weren’t used to such directness. It hit home for him, that in no way had I suggested commitment, but only a drink and how his New Years was.

How is it young men today are carrying so much baggage so early on?

Beanie’s personality reminds me of one of my exes. The need to state where he is and what it will be, is his way of controlling so he won’t get hurt or be where he doesn’t. I’ve encouraged Grad to get out there, go travel, go meet people. He can’t be wanting to see me, at the same time open up that he has just left a four year relationship. That’s got baggage written all over it. Then we have Tyler. Him wanting to calmly meet me, wants to know me, but doesn’t want to draw sign any papers.

So i have a few possible dates lined up. As Single girl coming back out to play in 2013, I have a strange sense of being in control. I can choose if I want to go on these dates. I can choose what dates as to what an when. After all, it is just a drink. A meeting, face to face, see how we get on. Enjoy several hours together with company. As i clear more diary space for life, it’s important, as dates, more than or just as friends, the people you choose to spend those hours with, should end result make you smile. Laugh even. My perspective is to take it a day at a time. If things weren’t meant to happen, then you never know, timing may not be right and there’s plenty of fish in the wood work….


– xx –

Single. (Not) scared

Last week I heard my friend’s younger brother in law, moan about his birthday was coming. He had posted clearly he was dreading his birthday. I replied asking what the matter was, thinking it was maybe the age. Instead he said he had broken up and he was dreading being single on his birthday. He hates it. I reassured him surely if the breakup was for the right reasons, he should be out celebrating anyway he wants with his new freedom? He could have a mad one and not worry about only couplely things, non? It seemed not. I saw others had replied that his problem was that he falls for anyone within the first hour of meeting them. I remembered how he had once long ago, at the mutual engagement party asked for my number. To me he’s like my little brother, part of the family now.

I thought about how people tend not to want to be single for birthdays, Christmas, or New Years. Valentines day is next month, that I can understand, as commercially, shops and the media do certainly kill any sign of romance left on that day.

I later wondered why were people so worried about being alone on calendar occasions? Is it just London perhaps. New York embraces singletons.

Whether he was with someone or not, it would still be Christmas, or Easter. I may not be a fan of Christmas, but I certainly love New Years! I don’t need to be with someone. This year at midnight, i chose to grab old time friends and go have a good time. Coincidentally  they had recently all broken up, with various halves, but we all had one of the best nights, dancing away and laughing at how cheesy it was. At midnight, we all shouted the countdown and we all gave each other hugs, kisses and within the next second, midnight was gone and it was now 2013. I looked around and wondered how could you ever want to be worried about being alone? There are so many people out there enjoying themselves and having fun. Even when you are with someone, the pressure to do something couplely on those days applies pressure on relationships. Today I asked decided to check on my litte brother and ask how his birthday went. He really appreciated my asking and he replied he had one of the best nights, his brothers and mates all got together and they all went out. I was happy to hear him sound so happy and laughing with him thinking of the night. When you are single, people make the effort for you yourself as an individual. How much more fabulous is that.

I know many female friends who complain about the lack of men, or who are conscious about their biological clock but it seems men are just as much in desire for company to make them feel worthy.


– xx –

Mr and Mrs. Facebook

Single. Engaged. Married. Separated. Divorced. Where is “Started to see someone”, or “Not looking right now” How about “Single father and difficult to date?” I’ve lost count the number of times people tease is that your new man? Or who’s the new fella. Why do we feel the need to have a title of what level you are at? It shouldn’t become a race or comparison with others, and if it were a race, who says everyone is aiming to be Married status?

I’ve had a friend who went on one date, and during it had changed their relationship status as “In a Relationship” before the dinner was over.

I have a rule where I will not have anyone I am intimately involved on any of social networks, especially Facebook. I remain friends with my exes and all is great. Though it does not go to say that everyone has that fortune, and there will also be the exe’s new half. Or your current beau. It digs up photographs of the past and questions such as who they are, do they look happier back then, where was I in that photo, or the comparison thought of do I resemble or look better than he or she? Whether you are a couple that is open to each other, with nothing to hide, there will always be niggling thoughts at the back of your mind, that starts to create that little green monster in everyone. You need to feel secure or have the knowledge that you are first in his life.

This has happened to myself, where I have seen people, and they build arguments based on an innocent picture taken when everyone is having a great time at a party or seated at a dinner party. “Who’s that with his  arm around you?”, “That guy is definitely trying it on, look how sleazy he is” eeer.. that is my fitness instructor? or my cousins uncle? I cannot have anyone that is feeling like that and more so, saying unpleasant untrue things about people that matter to me over some small jealousy for the need to have control and be possessive  Who that person is when we go out who smiled at me for holding the door, or why do i have to be friends with him. I did the reassuring thing, but arguments after arguments over nothing, can be draining and watching what you wear for the sake of preventing that “look” on the way out on a night with the girls, was simply not for me. He had to go. Another one bites the dust.

A friend of mine The Ref had broken up with his ex, The Gem. The Ref and The Gem had parted mutually. She wasn’t for him. They were constantly bickering, on and off like a lighthouse light in the storms. When they finally parted, you’d think The Ref would be able to move on. He had thought it was nice to remain friends afterwards and keep her on Facebook. Big mistake. The Gem began trawling through The Ref’s pictures knowing what he would be up to on an hourly basis, now that she was no longer seeing him. It was as if a monster had taken over her. She would message and then go through The Ref’s’ friend’s Facebook pages and girlfriend’s timelines and updates, and then get on the phone accusing who these females were and then end up shouting and then in tears. This was not good. This was not healthy. Looking out for our friend, we had to tell The Ref, he had to not remain friends with her on Facebook. She was beginning to lose sight of reality and needs to start afresh. If she can’t do it on her own, we highlighted that she may need his help. Last time our group caught up with The Ref, he informs us that The Gem one day all of a sudden just removed herself from his Facebook. Two years later. Good for her.

So for me. My Facebook is ex free and i can be myself, smile whomever, share whatever shots, put up any status updates I want, and best of all, I keep my status and private life just that, private.


– xx –