In deep thought this morning. What a night. So what best way than to just blog it and let it out and perhaps see what you think. I’ve been quite happy receiving messages from Italian. He’s been a real gent and just been very, (as I am being accustomed to cultural ways) of being very attentive, but well mannered. We are to perhaps set a second date (I know, World record promising) but both of us have busy schedules as he is trying to find a new flat after moving out of his old one. I’ve been genuinely happy with many things going just swell at the moment for 2013, with work, life and am happy.
When Beanie man had been in recent contact, he sounded more upbeat as I remembered him initially. He wanted to pop round. Which resulted in this morning’s deep thought. From something simple, he once again managed to lay on deep things opening up, talking about his first love, opening up, exes, loves of his life and main loves as I just sat there. How else was I to react. I know if people want to talk or tell me something, I’m to listen carefully. At the same time, I’m not one to pry if someone has something on their mind.
What is it with the need to complicate things? The stereotype that it’s women, who analyses everything and question every little detail. I started to wonder how to speed the evening up. I know it sounds harsh, but from a relaxing chilled evening I could have had watching a DVD, I felt like I was being interrogated and like I was at some kind of rehab interview or something. Mood spoiler and when silence actually speaks more.
There is something about moody silent men maybe that I prefer at times. This was one of them. He’s not a chatter, don’t get me wrong, but every comment said, he would question it. It became exhausting that on farewell, I think he could read my mind. I am at a point where I am very happy and just shaving off any rotten people who name as friends yet drain you, and creating a better work life at the moment. All is great. So it’s sad for some reason how I felt that inside, I just didn’t want to deal with someone with so much baggage. Teh enthusiasm and possible spark died on the twelfth questioning. He no longer looked mysterious. I didn’t feel like warming up to him for some reason.
He was in search for the one. I’ve had Scottish go through that. Even six years on and i am aware Scottish is still searching, alone, and disappointed each time. Throwing himself to love, and then just dropping like a toy. I tried expressing my point to Beanie man, about how about enjoying what’s in front of you and living the moment? It fell on deaf ears. I tend not to think there is only “one” out there. Many people aren’t with the “one”. So what does that mean? That with wrong coupling, people’s “ones” are already taken?
No, i feel there are many people for many people, at different stages of your life. As your lives twist and turn through life’s up and downs, you will suit and want different things in life. That includes what you need and what you are capable to give to others.
I wish Beanie man a silent farewell. He couldn’t seem to see things from other people’s views. Or how he was being perceived. It was all about him and his needs. He was blind that it there has to be two persons. He had said I was emotionless. I recognised the painstaking traits of blaming the other person from self frustration. I replayed the remark to a friend who scoffed I was the complete opposite. Did Beanie not recognised, when you are being interrogated, complaining, and pointing out every negative, it’s quite the dampener on the mood to want to open up, let alone want to be in that company for any longer…
The day after tomorrow will be Valentines day. I wonder how people really feel. So thoughts let out, and for me, I’d rather enjoy great company with friends, or enjoy a night in, than go through baggage all too familiar all over again. No thank you. He’s got to go. All the best in his search. Another one bites the dust.