Why not be myself. That was the plan last night when i was to go to an exhibition locally before meeting up with my cousin who’s in town for the week from New York. Till I decided to mix a first date opportunity into the evening. He was from Italian. Thick accent and immediately I was interested how he saw things and how he treated me. His polite gestures seemed more than the attempt of someone one a first date, actually part of how he had been brought up. For some that may not be much, but those who know me offline, I am all about manners and the small considerations.
Before I reached my destination, I received a surprised message. Mister Beanie. Hadn’t heard from him in a while since he decided to open up and dump his baggage at my door. I had been so busy and occupied i hadn’t the capacity to ask of anything of him. It was nice to hear from him. It was just how I had assumed or experienced, he was testing the waters again, knowing how he had left things. I was on my wy out but checked he was okay, and whether he ws needing to talk or have a hug. He seemed much more relaxed, like some lost boy knowing how he hadn’t called, than some defensive and closed off man the last time we met. You really can’t force a person to speak, I may not be the ideal conventional female but space is what i ultimately can give.
The exhibition was something that i volunteer with in my time,with the homeless. All artwork was created and produced by these talented guests. Absolutely amazing work. Italian listened as I gave him the heads up on what we were doing. I weren’t aware how he would take to what i do or what we were about to see, but he was impressed and asked questions about the work i do. He offered his experience of having visited an orphanage when he was younger and it left a lasting impression. it does these things. How others live. He said everyone should try and experience it once in their life.
His attention for detail was fascination and intrigued me. He chose his best one he liked in categories and we were able to debate about the pieces. The light, the expression, perhaps what the guests was trying to convey. i know not everyone likes or appreciates art. To me it is subjective and so random the night had started, i was not worried he may have been bored, but boy can he cook! A hand at cooking, it was like hearing poetry at one int as he recited recipes and his love of food. I had no need to waste my time to check his opinion of fast food chains.
Italian and i bumped into some of my colleagues and he was very polite, outreached hand, clear introduction as I noticed him letting me go ahead first. A good listener, in contrast to what i soon discovered later on, his full vocal laughter as he met and got along with my cousin and his friends. I sat back and watched him with the others. He had made light humour of me taking him to be given the third degree by family. I smiled with reassurance it would be fun. It was a good night overall. Everyone warmed to him and was interested with his views, football and rugby knowledge, roaring with laughter and then argumentative with cup and league scores. At same time he would whisper to me if i needed another drink, if i were hungry and just making sure i was happy. A good balance.
To me its always an essential thing to be able to be individual, to not be joined at the hip, to not make others feel uncomfortable yet try to join in, listen or contribute and he was very gracious with getting the names right, and even though he was loud, he would not interrupt. The people at the table did not know he was a date. I did not need to babysit him or make sure if was okay to leave him if i visited the washroom. You’d be surprised by the dates i’ve had.
It was fascinating when I had asked about Italian women. “Oh my!!! NO WAY!! They are not for me!! They would only remind me of My Mother!! Why are you not home?!!! Ive cooked and made this all for you!! Why are you dressed like that, we are about to go out!!! Why havent you called me?!!! ONE BIGGG HEADACHE. i stay away from Italian women!”
This made me chuckle as he put on his accent. Even as we walked in the rain, he wouldn’t allow me carry the umbrella, which I have to add, is broken, so i had this spare one, bright red, with white hearts over it. It was hilarious.
I learnt a lot about Italian ways, his love of cooking and just his values which in this day age made more sense and a gave relief that people who don’t view the world through reality television. He had plans to travel and relocate with that someone special, which was hard to take in as he looked directly at me saying it, adding of course things change. it crossed my mind about how when you bring someone into your life, you are in fact trying to see if they fit into your ambitions, plans and just lifestyle. I had pointed out that that would be hard to find that someone,and to them have the give up their dreams for that someone. I thought about my situation. With a deliberate change of lifestyle, to gain that better work life balance, i now take on work i am able to work off or on site at places. I can be located anywhere that had a connection.Not that I was contemplating running away with this first date, but it made me think about the number of things we cross our check list off as we grow older, as we change jobs, or simply move on.
so perhaps what we look for could be what we need in life, finding those who can give it. From someone who is too independent, what is it that I could be needing?