Mister Mama Mia

Why not be myself. That was the plan last night when i was to go to an exhibition locally before meeting up with my cousin who’s in town for the week from New York. Till I decided to mix a first date opportunity into the evening. He was from Italian. Thick accent and immediately I was interested how he saw things and how he treated me. His polite gestures seemed more than the attempt of someone one a first date, actually part of how he had been brought up. For some that may not be much, but those who know me offline, I am all about manners and the small considerations.

Before I reached my destination, I received a surprised message. Mister Beanie. Hadn’t heard from him in a while since he decided to open up and dump his baggage at my door. I had been so busy and occupied i hadn’t the capacity to ask of anything of him. It was nice to hear from him. It was just how I had assumed or experienced, he was testing the waters again, knowing how he had left things. I was on my wy out but checked he was okay, and whether he ws needing to talk or have a hug. He seemed much more relaxed, like some lost boy knowing how he hadn’t called, than some defensive and closed off man the last time we met. You really can’t force a person to speak, I may not be the ideal conventional female but space is what i ultimately can give.

The exhibition was something that i volunteer with in my time,with the homeless. All artwork was created and produced by these talented guests. Absolutely amazing work. Italian listened as I gave him the heads up on what we were doing. I weren’t aware how he would take to what i do or what we were about to see, but he was impressed and asked questions about the work i do. He offered his experience of having visited an orphanage when he was younger and it left a lasting impression. it does these things. How others live. He said everyone should try and experience it once in their life.

His attention for detail was fascination and intrigued me. He chose his best one he liked in categories and we were able to debate about the pieces. The light, the expression, perhaps what the guests was trying to convey. i know not everyone likes or appreciates art. To me it is subjective and so random the night had started, i was not worried he may have been bored, but boy can he cook! A hand at cooking, it was like hearing poetry at one int as he recited recipes and his love of food. I had no need to waste my time to check his opinion of fast food chains.

Italian and i bumped into some of my colleagues and he was very polite, outreached hand, clear introduction as I noticed him letting me go ahead first. A good listener, in contrast to what i soon discovered later on, his full vocal laughter as he met and got along with my cousin and his friends. I sat back and watched him with the others. He had made light humour of me taking him to be given the third degree by family. I smiled with reassurance it would be fun. It was a good night overall. Everyone warmed to him and was interested with his views, football and rugby knowledge, roaring with laughter and then argumentative with cup and league scores. At same time he would whisper to me if i needed another drink, if i were hungry and just making sure i was happy. A good balance.

To me its always an essential thing to be able to be individual, to not be joined at the hip, to not make others feel uncomfortable yet try to join in, listen or contribute and he was very gracious with getting the names right, and even though he was loud, he would not interrupt. The people at the table did not know he was a date. I did not need to babysit him or make sure if was okay to leave him if i visited the washroom. You’d be surprised by the dates i’ve had.

It was fascinating when I had asked about Italian women. “Oh my!!! NO WAY!! They are not for me!! They would only remind me of My Mother!! Why are you not home?!!! Ive cooked and made this all for you!! Why are you dressed like that, we are about to go out!!! Why havent you called me?!!! ONE BIGGG HEADACHE. i stay away from Italian women!”

This made me chuckle as he put on his accent. Even as we walked in the rain, he wouldn’t allow me carry the umbrella, which I have to add, is broken, so i had this spare one, bright red, with white hearts over it. It was hilarious.

I learnt a lot about Italian ways, his love of cooking and just his values which in this day age made more sense and a gave relief that people who don’t view the world through reality television. He had plans to travel and relocate with that someone special, which was hard to take in as he looked directly at me saying it, adding of course things change. it crossed my mind about how when you bring someone into your life, you are in fact trying to see if they fit into your ambitions, plans and just lifestyle. I had pointed out that that would be hard to find that someone,and to them have the give up their dreams for that someone. I thought about my situation. With a deliberate change of lifestyle, to gain that better work life balance, i now take on work i am able to work off or on site at places. I can be located anywhere that had a connection.Not that I was contemplating running away with this first date, but it made me think about the number of things we cross our check list off as we grow older, as we change jobs, or simply move on.

so perhaps what we look for could be what we need in life, finding those who can give it. From someone who is too independent, what is it that I could be needing?


– xx-

More fish… in the wood work

So I’m one of those whom stay in touch with everyone including exes. Who has the time to make enemies I say.  I discovered someone was attracted to me over Christmas. I hadn’t gotten to know Beanie because we were surrounded by others but he had taken my number to offer me a lift home. After exchanges of messages, he reveals how he feels since meeting me, of he couldn’t stop thinking about me over the busy festive period. I asked if he was involved, and he said sadly yes, he had just started seeing someone for a few dates and didn’t feel what he had hoped with her. He retracted his answer to go for a drink originally, with both of us understanding. I’m not one to want to ruin anything between two people and I offered best wishes for him. I didn’t even know if i liked him yet, but because we would be around each other again next Christmas, I wanted to clear the air and offered I held no resentment and would be still friends.

Then only days ago, on Friday I heard from Beanie Man. He apologised for the delay and he was in town. He had had a few drinks. My mind raced as to why now, why was he contacting me. He no longer was with her. Understood. He hadn’t been able to get me out of his mind.

I was to have a busy weekend. 2013 has been a great start. I had made big decisions in 2012 to take on smaller projects, so I could have more time for me, for my friends and people around me that matter. I have a strong base of friends, but I felt I was always in a rush dashing from one event to the next, that 2013, already I feel a difference, a breath of fresh air catching up with people I haven’t spoken in years and meeting new halves and I’ve yet the challenge of meeting new babies in addition. So i hadn’t had any chance to think if I had thought of Beanie Man or even where I was to be. I made my mind 2013 will be more of a Yes year. I am not on a race to find “The One” as they say. So why not enjoy myself.

“I don’t know how to speak to women, that’s why I’m single” Beanie Man claimed to me. Whoa. How did the conversation between us get so deep already? I must admit, he wasn’t that great at hearing how he sounds. He was one of the younger ones (which I will no doubt have that as one of my posts) but were younger men on a different level of only thinking about themselves? By just that single statement, it somehow stayed in my mind. One minute we are messaging each other, then we are being adult by letting each other get on with your own life, and now he is back in contact. What is it he wants? More to the point, do I still want to know? I guess that statement sticks in my mind, as to why do most younger men feel the need to mention

“I’m not looking for anything serious as I’ve just broken up from a four year relationship” says Grad, after having asked me out for drinks before Christmas.

It’s as if by saying such bold statements, they have built a fence around so that nothing in the slightest was to happen. In my mind, all i can think of is “Hell yeah. Who’s buying first round?” Are relationship issues on men’s minds more than we assume?

I had met Tyler at an Photography exhibition late Autumn last year. He was very kind, a gent. We had hooked up, but I never heard from him again. That is till two days ago over the weekend. So in the space of couple of months, I have had people who I haven’t heard in months, and out of the blue, want to contact me. The only similarities I have between them is they are younger. Tyler contacted me with a what I’d admit to as quite a good apology for his lame action as he didn’t know how to approach me, yet he knew his silence was not at all classy. This was his attempt at correcting such fault that he was aware of. I’ll post more about Tyler, but he wants to talk to me, at the same time, he is saying “I don’t want to lead you on like some dickhead”, “Fun is fun” and in the same breathe he is wanting to be friends and see where we go, being not a fan of casualness. I replied in a swooping message which made him chuckle, that I wasn’t asking him to get married. He laughed saying he just weren’t used to such directness. It hit home for him, that in no way had I suggested commitment, but only a drink and how his New Years was.

How is it young men today are carrying so much baggage so early on?

Beanie’s personality reminds me of one of my exes. The need to state where he is and what it will be, is his way of controlling so he won’t get hurt or be where he doesn’t. I’ve encouraged Grad to get out there, go travel, go meet people. He can’t be wanting to see me, at the same time open up that he has just left a four year relationship. That’s got baggage written all over it. Then we have Tyler. Him wanting to calmly meet me, wants to know me, but doesn’t want to draw sign any papers.

So i have a few possible dates lined up. As Single girl coming back out to play in 2013, I have a strange sense of being in control. I can choose if I want to go on these dates. I can choose what dates as to what an when. After all, it is just a drink. A meeting, face to face, see how we get on. Enjoy several hours together with company. As i clear more diary space for life, it’s important, as dates, more than or just as friends, the people you choose to spend those hours with, should end result make you smile. Laugh even. My perspective is to take it a day at a time. If things weren’t meant to happen, then you never know, timing may not be right and there’s plenty of fish in the wood work….


– xx –

The Wedding Guest + 1

Received fabulous news from another happy couple, messaging she has had a proposal on New Years Eve and she is still stunned. I love it. I love it when genuine couples get it together. I’m not saying not all couple aren’t genuine  but from where I am standing, I often listen to upset female friends and unhappy male friends, who are stuck with their gold bands around their finger. I often wonder why they don’t seek help, talk to each other about it, and do something about it. I see it as two lives made unhappy and staying together for the sake of a child, or because of the negative connotation of being single. A child would benefit much greater from two happy parents and as long as there is a strong supportive network, that bestows real love for them, then that is a family for them.

In the post I also opened a “Save The Date” invitation. Wonderful news. It states “Invitations to follow”. It’s on the first week of 2013 and I wonder if there will be more weddings than last year. My +1, who I call “Arm Candy” is abroad for the past few months. He would be back by the “date”. Then again, am I thinking, by then I could very well bring someone special along. Me and Arm Candy know our friendship and rules, and nothing more. Whereas if I brought a guest, a +1. I don’t want him to go home thinking the relationship is in leaps and bounds already.

At the same time, my friend’s wedding photographs will be a milestone, a memory for grandchildren and generations to come, when they look at that and ask who that is next to me.

No. I think it would be best if I save the wedding funds of the happy married couples and not let them waste it on a may-not-be-long-term-man. The bride to be is German. I wonder if the wedding will be here or overseas. I enjoy experiencing new cultures and traditions of occasions  such colour, outfits and rituals, when you see the whole family come together.

I love how creative friends have been with each of their invites. Each making their new status as a couple to be. Maybe I should have saved them all. That’s when I wonder how little girls have built their “dream wedding box”. Full of cutouts, sketches, and wishes for how their big day will be. For me, I wonder how is that possible when you don’t even know who you will end up with? And what about those who have married 2-3 times already. Should you have a “2nd dream wedding box” ready?

For me, it adds up. Accommodation, travel, outfit, wedding gift, if you want to get hair done, shoes etc. You can’t be seen clashing with the bridesmaids or the colours of mother-in-law! I once overheard in the ladies at one, where they felt they had seen it all, and they could name where the bride had got her table accessories from. No matter how personal you try to make your big day, in the long run, you try to give the impression everything is spotless and of fresh petals. I love weddings of the joy it brings to tearful parents watching their son or daughter joining another family. I’ve seen the stresses between friendships and relationships as the preparations come together. I won’t go into that today. But just remember how you felt when you had that special moment, of being proposed and just the two of you, agreeing to be theirs – so forget extra flowers at the head table, or who to bring, your wonderful friends wanting to be together – that is what weddings should be about.


– xx –