Single. (Not) scared


Last week I heard my friend’s younger brother in law, moan about his birthday was coming. He had posted clearly he was dreading his birthday. I replied asking what the matter was, thinking it was maybe the age. Instead he said he had broken up and he was dreading being single on his birthday. He hates it. I reassured him surely if the breakup was for the right reasons, he should be out celebrating anyway he wants with his new freedom? He could have a mad one and not worry about only couplely things, non? It seemed not. I saw others had replied that his problem was that he falls for anyone within the first hour of meeting them. I remembered how he had once long ago, at the mutual engagement party asked for my number. To me he’s like my little brother, part of the family now.

I thought about how people tend not to want to be single for birthdays, Christmas, or New Years. Valentines day is next month, that I can understand, as commercially, shops and the media do certainly kill any sign of romance left on that day.

I later wondered why were people so worried about being alone on calendar occasions? Is it just London perhaps. New York embraces singletons.

Whether he was with someone or not, it would still be Christmas, or Easter. I may not be a fan of Christmas, but I certainly love New Years! I don’t need to be with someone. This year at midnight, i chose to grab old time friends and go have a good time. Coincidentally  they had recently all broken up, with various halves, but we all had one of the best nights, dancing away and laughing at how cheesy it was. At midnight, we all shouted the countdown and we all gave each other hugs, kisses and within the next second, midnight was gone and it was now 2013. I looked around and wondered how could you ever want to be worried about being alone? There are so many people out there enjoying themselves and having fun. Even when you are with someone, the pressure to do something couplely on those days applies pressure on relationships. Today I asked decided to check on my litte brother and ask how his birthday went. He really appreciated my asking and he replied he had one of the best nights, his brothers and mates all got together and they all went out. I was happy to hear him sound so happy and laughing with him thinking of the night. When you are single, people make the effort for you yourself as an individual. How much more fabulous is that.

I know many female friends who complain about the lack of men, or who are conscious about their biological clock but it seems men are just as much in desire for company to make them feel worthy.

SITC

– xx –

Before you nothing else matters. Nothing.


Im not a stranger to having friends by either gender, good friends I mean. Following on from wedding theme, I tend to notice, the looks you get from your newly married good friend (who happens to be male)’s new partner when he tells her he’s just going down the pub with a few friends. I’ve lost sight of many good friends, who aren’t allowed or best not to “just meet up with friends”. Sad I know. I simply have to accept that it’s not me, but a lack of security and trust between them.

This one incident intrigues many of us who had formed a particular close knit gang for many years, spent evenings playing games, travelled abroad together, and celebrated crazy birthdays and family occasions together. We all basically grew up like the Wonder Years gang. We began to recently notice in the past year or so, is we began to see less of him. More worryingly so was when one of our friends was instructed by the wife

“that we don’t talk about certain holidays”, because this was before her arrival into our friend’s life.

She is a sweetheart and stunningly attractive. Yet to her (lets call her Miss Green), and our group, we are not to bring up anything pre-Green. No memories, no laughs, no stories. She doesnt want to feel left out I suspect. But there are many things that have happened pre-Green. For instance, the beautiful wedding of our other friends, the hilarious school days when we used to run riots in the science labs, or when we each bought our first cars, pushing it the limits as The Stig, the evolution of friendships and relationships are built from memories, and history. To her these things do not exist. It’s a shame I say. Yes there may be skeletons you are not ready to face, but you cannot erase your half’s past, just because you were not in it.

I say embrace every little thing you learn about your girlfriend or husband. That is the best bit, as you get to know them a bit better. Them wanting to share means that they trust you and want you to be part of their life. Everything that has happened, has happened. You cannot keep the worlds pre-Green and post-Green apart as much as you’d like control. You may not understand the school jokes, but get to know them, as you would only be bottling and suffocating the richness and personality of what makes them unique and special to you, and it will be you the one who isn’t sharing or understanding the jokes and be standing alone.

SITC

– xx –

The Wedding Guest + 1


Received fabulous news from another happy couple, messaging she has had a proposal on New Years Eve and she is still stunned. I love it. I love it when genuine couples get it together. I’m not saying not all couple aren’t genuine  but from where I am standing, I often listen to upset female friends and unhappy male friends, who are stuck with their gold bands around their finger. I often wonder why they don’t seek help, talk to each other about it, and do something about it. I see it as two lives made unhappy and staying together for the sake of a child, or because of the negative connotation of being single. A child would benefit much greater from two happy parents and as long as there is a strong supportive network, that bestows real love for them, then that is a family for them.

In the post I also opened a “Save The Date” invitation. Wonderful news. It states “Invitations to follow”. It’s on the first week of 2013 and I wonder if there will be more weddings than last year. My +1, who I call “Arm Candy” is abroad for the past few months. He would be back by the “date”. Then again, am I thinking, by then I could very well bring someone special along. Me and Arm Candy know our friendship and rules, and nothing more. Whereas if I brought a guest, a +1. I don’t want him to go home thinking the relationship is in leaps and bounds already.

At the same time, my friend’s wedding photographs will be a milestone, a memory for grandchildren and generations to come, when they look at that and ask who that is next to me.

No. I think it would be best if I save the wedding funds of the happy married couples and not let them waste it on a may-not-be-long-term-man. The bride to be is German. I wonder if the wedding will be here or overseas. I enjoy experiencing new cultures and traditions of occasions  such colour, outfits and rituals, when you see the whole family come together.

I love how creative friends have been with each of their invites. Each making their new status as a couple to be. Maybe I should have saved them all. That’s when I wonder how little girls have built their “dream wedding box”. Full of cutouts, sketches, and wishes for how their big day will be. For me, I wonder how is that possible when you don’t even know who you will end up with? And what about those who have married 2-3 times already. Should you have a “2nd dream wedding box” ready?

For me, it adds up. Accommodation, travel, outfit, wedding gift, if you want to get hair done, shoes etc. You can’t be seen clashing with the bridesmaids or the colours of mother-in-law! I once overheard in the ladies at one, where they felt they had seen it all, and they could name where the bride had got her table accessories from. No matter how personal you try to make your big day, in the long run, you try to give the impression everything is spotless and of fresh petals. I love weddings of the joy it brings to tearful parents watching their son or daughter joining another family. I’ve seen the stresses between friendships and relationships as the preparations come together. I won’t go into that today. But just remember how you felt when you had that special moment, of being proposed and just the two of you, agreeing to be theirs – so forget extra flowers at the head table, or who to bring, your wonderful friends wanting to be together – that is what weddings should be about.

SITC

– xx –