Bathroom shuffle and popcorn

My friends and family don’t hassle or pressure me to be with anyone nor the need to set me up. I am just one of those annoying people that is just always smiling and high on life. This blog wasn’t to be about men Vs women, but a personal take on how it’s okay to be on your own, or how important individual space, time, and reflection is. I’m not shy to hide who I am. I am a very private person, and only open up when I am comfortable, but in general, whether my followers know me or not in real life, hopefully you will get to read occasionally my posts and get to know me. I haven’t revealed I  have started this blog with anyone. So a quick TY to everyone. I know my typing isn’t Oxford English. I had thought about going completely anonymous, but it only makes everything too rigid when posting and feel plastic fake. Something which by now, you know I’m the opposite.

Recently there has been many films out in the cinema I had wanted to watch. One of the things I fine with is going to exhibitions, galleries on my own. I’m perfectly fine to walk into a party or venue in search of my friends, or go check out a new coffee bar. It’s not a question really. I either end up being absorbed in my own thoughts, making my own private time, or I haha.. end up talking to random people. Yes yes, I can hear my old writer giving me brotherly advice, to be careful at the same time. I understand. I frequent the cinemas for independent films, when I know my friends or circles would have no interest or aren’t that keen on reading a film the whole night with subtitles. That’s okay too. I see it as when you go to see a film, you don’t necessary talk or engage with the person next to you anyway.

But what happened was when a friend had said Oh I’d go with you, I want to see that too. To this day, the film will most likely be available on DVD. What happens is when friends, dates or colleagues say they want to go to this show, or try that new restaurant, or get themselves to that part of the city too. And this is where it begins.. I end up waiting for them, when they don’t have work, when they have a sitter, when their child gets better, or when they’re not hungover, passing days, weeks and before long, I have missed the opening event, or deadline for bargain deal tickets. Then when I hear a group at work are going, they ask, why don’t you come with us, it will be so much fun. I decline that I’m to watch it with my friend, you guys go ahead as I watch them all giggling and getting their jackets. Sigh. It still happens and as I try to balance my lifestyle for 2013, I realise its my own nature to be loyal. I’m loyal to the people who want to share that experience, film or gig with me. (Except popcorn. Salted popcorn is mine) So i wait.

Is it about being Let down? I don’t know. As all the reasons are real. It just happens. I never get annoyed, as a film is a film, if I miss out the British Film awards previews, I will just have to wait eight months to a year before national release. Or I think, ah well, I’ve saved money from Eurostar tickets. Never mind, next time… With my acceleration of 2013 to not miss out further opportunities, I mean this approach is exactly how I have climbed my career ladder from the word go. I spot or make my own opportunities. I get out and about, I get networking, that I have to remind myself a recent friend’s wedding, to not hand out business cards. On dates, i limit myself talking shop, as else it does evolve into that next step. I won’t mix work and play. So why do not use that approach with life? Why do I sometimes get left waiting for others to be ready? What’s wrong with going for the day now? Why are others people putting things off? What’s that phrase? Carpe Diem? Seize the Day.

I reflect about how for years up to last year, I had no social or personal life. It was work. It added to how precious any spare time I had should be spent with those who are worth it. It certainly helped me filter my dates out for who was lucky enough to get a 2nd or 3rd date.

I’m a patient person. But when waiting for others to stop faffing, or me sadly watching events go past, simply is niggling to me. Is waiting such a bad thing?

I remember Scotsman when I’d stay over at his, and in the morning we’d do that quick dance shuffle in the hallway outside the bathroom, as we’d wait for the bathroom to be free, or leaning over to share the mirror, in the dash to get to ourselves to the station to get to work. When I’m back and close that door, I do hold a sigh of relief inside, just for not having to wait, or apply mascara at speed without poking my eye.

There are things, which I deliberately waited for a friend. Yesterday I was meant to go to climb the O2, London. Something I had wanted to do last summer, but everyone wasn’t free. A friend was due down to visit me, and I thought it was ideal! Of course I can climb it myself, but some experiences when shared would be memorable and much to my delight, he was up for it! We carefully had planned a full day of catching up, lunch, getting the codes for advanced tickets, what bar to hit later. Then the phone rang at seven in the morning, only for him to come down with food poisoning from some stop on the Motorway as he drove down with his boss. Brilliant. 

Familiar feeling, I was slightly sad, at how much I had waited to go, but I knew things happen for a reason. He was sweet to say see how he gets on, but he had been in the hotel bathroom the whole evening. I naturally wished him back on his feet, and to drink fluids. Should I go climb the O2 on my own later in the year? I love making goals I want to achieve and have ticked off.

I sit in coffee shops on my own happily catching up on some light reading or the Sunday papers, I’m going to attend my fashion designer’s preview next week before jumping over to a friend’s tea party gathering. These I enjoy on my own, as else I’d have to plan and coordinate people to the catwalk location, wait for them, make sure they wouldn’t be alone, or left standing no one to talk to, and sometimes friends want to just catch up with me with their latest gossip and tales, and not share my time.

Single? Yes. I am and I choose to be. Something with may give off strange looks, or sympathetic ones from those who don’t understand, burping babies on their shoulders, I love it, and for me, I get to use the shower as long as I want, not have to check who’s towel is who, and have my own sink.



Single. (Not) scared

Last week I heard my friend’s younger brother in law, moan about his birthday was coming. He had posted clearly he was dreading his birthday. I replied asking what the matter was, thinking it was maybe the age. Instead he said he had broken up and he was dreading being single on his birthday. He hates it. I reassured him surely if the breakup was for the right reasons, he should be out celebrating anyway he wants with his new freedom? He could have a mad one and not worry about only couplely things, non? It seemed not. I saw others had replied that his problem was that he falls for anyone within the first hour of meeting them. I remembered how he had once long ago, at the mutual engagement party asked for my number. To me he’s like my little brother, part of the family now.

I thought about how people tend not to want to be single for birthdays, Christmas, or New Years. Valentines day is next month, that I can understand, as commercially, shops and the media do certainly kill any sign of romance left on that day.

I later wondered why were people so worried about being alone on calendar occasions? Is it just London perhaps. New York embraces singletons.

Whether he was with someone or not, it would still be Christmas, or Easter. I may not be a fan of Christmas, but I certainly love New Years! I don’t need to be with someone. This year at midnight, i chose to grab old time friends and go have a good time. Coincidentally  they had recently all broken up, with various halves, but we all had one of the best nights, dancing away and laughing at how cheesy it was. At midnight, we all shouted the countdown and we all gave each other hugs, kisses and within the next second, midnight was gone and it was now 2013. I looked around and wondered how could you ever want to be worried about being alone? There are so many people out there enjoying themselves and having fun. Even when you are with someone, the pressure to do something couplely on those days applies pressure on relationships. Today I asked decided to check on my litte brother and ask how his birthday went. He really appreciated my asking and he replied he had one of the best nights, his brothers and mates all got together and they all went out. I was happy to hear him sound so happy and laughing with him thinking of the night. When you are single, people make the effort for you yourself as an individual. How much more fabulous is that.

I know many female friends who complain about the lack of men, or who are conscious about their biological clock but it seems men are just as much in desire for company to make them feel worthy.


– xx –