Im not a stranger to having friends by either gender, good friends I mean. Following on from wedding theme, I tend to notice, the looks you get from your newly married good friend (who happens to be male)’s new partner when he tells her he’s just going down the pub with a few friends. I’ve lost sight of many good friends, who aren’t allowed or best not to “just meet up with friends”. Sad I know. I simply have to accept that it’s not me, but a lack of security and trust between them.
This one incident intrigues many of us who had formed a particular close knit gang for many years, spent evenings playing games, travelled abroad together, and celebrated crazy birthdays and family occasions together. We all basically grew up like the Wonder Years gang. We began to recently notice in the past year or so, is we began to see less of him. More worryingly so was when one of our friends was instructed by the wife
“that we don’t talk about certain holidays”, because this was before her arrival into our friend’s life.
She is a sweetheart and stunningly attractive. Yet to her (lets call her Miss Green), and our group, we are not to bring up anything pre-Green. No memories, no laughs, no stories. She doesnt want to feel left out I suspect. But there are many things that have happened pre-Green. For instance, the beautiful wedding of our other friends, the hilarious school days when we used to run riots in the science labs, or when we each bought our first cars, pushing it the limits as The Stig, the evolution of friendships and relationships are built from memories, and history. To her these things do not exist. It’s a shame I say. Yes there may be skeletons you are not ready to face, but you cannot erase your half’s past, just because you were not in it.
I say embrace every little thing you learn about your girlfriend or husband. That is the best bit, as you get to know them a bit better. Them wanting to share means that they trust you and want you to be part of their life. Everything that has happened, has happened. You cannot keep the worlds pre-Green and post-Green apart as much as you’d like control. You may not understand the school jokes, but get to know them, as you would only be bottling and suffocating the richness and personality of what makes them unique and special to you, and it will be you the one who isn’t sharing or understanding the jokes and be standing alone.
– xx –